"Squawks" are problems noted by U. S. Air Force pilots
and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air
Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. While
very humorous, they are also classic examples of vague,
ambiguous, and poorly worded problem requirements.
P = Problem
S = Solution
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.
(P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
(S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.
(P) Something loose in cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in cockpit.
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believable level.
(P) Dead bugs on windshield.
(S) Live bugs on order.
(P) Auto pilot in altitude hold mode produces a >200 fpm descent.
(S) Cannot reproduce problems on ground.
(P) OFF inoperative.
(S) OFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
(P) Number three engine missing.
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.
(P) Aircraft handles funny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right,"
and be serious.
(P) Target Radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.